Redneck Magic Trick


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#1914322
idontlob 2013-10-11 00:52
Redneck Magic Trick
 
 

A black guy and a redneck go into a pastry shop. The black guy whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice.
 
The black guy says to the redneck: "You see how clever we blacks are? You rednecks can never beat that!"
 
The redneck says to the black guy: "Watch this."
 
He says to the baker, "Give me a cookie, I'll show you a magic trick!"
 
The baker gives him the cookie which redneck promptly eats. Then he says to the baker:
 
"Give me another cookie for my magic trick."
 
The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too.
 
Then he says again: "Give me one more cookie..."
 
The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The Redneck eats this one too.
 
Now the baker is really mad, and he yells: "And where is your famous magic trick?"
 
The redneck says: "Look in his pocket!"
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#1914327
idontlob 2013-10-11 01:07
Blonde Pilot
 


A blonde is flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies.

She is frantic and calls out a May Day.

"May Day!  May Day!  Help me!  Help me!  My pilot had a heart attack and is
dead.  And I don't know how to fly. Help me!  Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control, and I
hear you loud and clear.  I will talk you through this and get you back on
the ground.  I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem.  Now,
just take a deep breath.  Everything will be fine!  Now give me your height
and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I support Obama."

"O.K." says the voice on the radio... "Repeat after me: Our Father who art
in Heaven...
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#1914451
eighthaero 2013-10-11 09:57
Earlier she had  called Delta  and  asked how long it  takes to fly JFK to LAX.
Delta  said, "Just a  minute".
Blonde  said "Thank you", and hung up. EA
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#1915139
idontlob 2013-10-12 03:35
Ha-ha.....good one, Eight.  Never heard that one before.....I just got in to Frankfurt on my trip.  We stay in Mainz now....we used to stay in Weisbaden for several years.  Nice town....I saw that you used to be based here.  I like Germany....they do things right here.
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#1915291
idontlob 2013-10-12 13:30
Morris
Morris Schwartz is on his deathbed, and knows the end is near. He's with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons. "So", he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."
"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."
His nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says , "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property? ... the schmuck has a paper route!"
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Last edited 2013-10-12 14:47
#1915364
eighthaero 2013-10-12 14:43
Reply to #1915139
They kind of all run together  now but  Weisbadden was the  hillside resort (badden is mineral baths,spa) Frankfurt is Finance
 on the Main and Mainz  industry shipping where  Main meets  the Rhein. Sits on both sides of the big river but  is Rhineland Palatanate seat and that's  the  west side  with Hesse east seat at Weisbadden  which has Frankfurt. To my view it's the  start of the Winegau (belly) where the  Rhine  bends  W then North and all the famed Rhine wines and castles maidens etc  begin. Runs up to Koblenz where winding  Mosel enters and adds those lovely reislings from steep slate hillsides of Eifel Mtns. Dorly's family still pick the grapes each October  at  Zeltingen and Bernkastle. Unfortunate they do an awful lot of things left too!
Really though it's Bavaria where folks still know how to live laid back Southern style. Escaped  ravages of both big wars. Scarf down a big pig roast  knuckle, pototao dumpling with red cabbage washed by a Munich beer.  Walk out feeling like Goering when still in charge. That's life. Over and under and out. EA
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#1915390
idontlob 2013-10-12 15:22
Thanks for the background info and history lesson for someone sorely lacking....much appreciated!  As a matter of fact, I'm at the Mainz Hilton, which is right on the Rhine.....I'm looking at it right outside my window, even tho it's night here now.  Lots of boats and barges throughout the day...and night!  But it's pretty....there are some beaches with sand and beach chairs in front of some of the hotels and restaurants around here. 

Before we moved here in July we were at the Frankfurt Westin, a beautiful hotel in downtown FRA.  Banking buildings all over the place. They're building the new ECB headquarters right on the Main river there...been building it for years....God only knows how much that will end up costing.  Fancy building, tho.

We see the castles and vineyards along the Rhine as we fly over it on our departure from FRA in the mornings when we depart to the west.  It's a beautiful country with good everything.  Over and out from Germany.....that wake-up call will be coming all to soon!  Marty
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