☑️ Mo’ money mo’ problems. Facebook’s earnings report will likely help Zuck sleep a little better tonight. The social media giant brought in $2.12 per share vs. the $1.91 per share analysts anticipated. Revenue rose almost 30% to $17.65B compared to forecasts of roughly $17.37B. Facebook said it leaned heavily on its Stories feature to contribute to growth and turned its attention away from its core News Feed model.
☑️ Apple: not a phone company. Apple reported earnings yesterday. iPhone sales declined by 9.2% in the quarter… yet the stock rose 2% after hours. WTF? Well, thankfully for Tim Apple, the lackluster mobile phone sales were partially offset by increases in its wearables (sales rose 54%… thanks, AirPods) and services (sales rose 18%) divisions. While the wearables and services numbers might seem impressive, the combined $19B in quarterly revenue represents less than 60% of the quarter’s iPhone sales ($84B). Still, AAPL beat the Street’s earnings expectations. And CFO Luca Maestri noted that Apple is on track for a strong holiday sales season. All I want for Christmas is my Apple Air.
☑️ A rough week. If you think your week is bad, just be thankful you’re not Juul. One day after its CFO stepped down and two days after it laid off 500 employees, Fidelity slashed its valuation of Juul in half. The asset manager disclosed that it slashed the value of its (roughly) 2.7M Juul shares by 48% during September amid the government crackdowns, both at home and abroad, on e-cigs and vaping. This latest valuation suggests a market value of $17.5B, a far cry from its $38B valuation when Altria acquired a 35% stake in the candy e-cig company last year.
☑️ Welp, see ya later. Molson Coors Brewing is no longer. What?! That’s right. From here on out the beer maker will be called ‘Molson Coors,’ as the brewer is dropping ‘brewing’ from its name. That’s not the only thing dropping, as its stock fell 3% on the day. Why? Big changes are a brewin, as the company bundled in several large announcements with its Q3 earnings report, including the closure of its Denver office, the designation of its Chicago office as its North American headquarters, the expansion into other products such as teas and coffee, and the expectation of up to 500 job cuts. This comes as US brewers, Coors included, are struggling with weaker demand for alcohol and ‘normal’ beer. With announcements like this, one has to wonder: are millennials killing the love train?
☑️ Case closed. Jho Low, the criminal financier behind the Malaysia-Goldman Sachs 1MDB scandal, will fork over $1B in assets to Uncle Sam, amounting to one of the largest civil forfeiture settlements in US history. The assets from 13 forfeiture cases amount to roughly $700M, including a hotel in Beverly Hills and real estate in NY and London. $260M worth of assets have already been seized, with the bulk of that value coming from a superyacht. The best part? Low is still at large.