“Show me the money!”
– Jeff talking about that sweet, sweet stimulus money
Hey there carnivores,
Markets pulled back a bit on Friday but ended the week in the black.
Today we’re looking at how you get your hands on some stimulus money!
Jeff & Jason
It’s a sign
It’s official! On Friday, the House approved, and Donny Politics officially signed the $2T CARES Act (read: the coronavirus stimulus package). Members of the House returned to Washington and passed the legislation via “voice vote”. It’s like karaoke, but way less fun to watch.
The approval was almost delayed further as Rep. Thomas Massie asked for a full “recorded vote” which would have required all House members to participate. Ever hear of social distancing? But officials traveled back to the nation’s capital to reach a quorum of 216, and make the vote official. It is also suspected that Mr. Massie, hates fun and has no friends.
Get that money
Upon signing the biggest relief package in US history, POTUS thanked Congress for coming together. His officials said that the main focus is to get the $1,200 to Americans as soon as possible…which could be as early as three weeks. Hammer Diageo.
Anybody who already has their banking information on file with the IRS (read: pays their taxes) will be the first to get payment, followed by those who apply and provide their information. For those who don’t have bank accounts, the government is exploring options on how to provide payments.
Sadly, the bill caps payments for individuals who make over $99k, so better cancel that half oz. of blow for your staycation, Chad. Here’s how to figure out how big of a check you can get.
So, what’s next?
Now that the bill has passed, government officials can go right back to…working on another bill. Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi has already indicated that this is just the beginning of the government’s efforts to provide relief amidst this pandemic.
The bottom line…
The execution of distributing these funds is going to be interesting to watch over the next few weeks.
Enter Venmo and Cash App. The two payment companies are already lobbying the government to use their services to pay the people. While millennials have become comfortable with using these services, they still are most closely associated with transactions titled “Skiing.”
If the government agrees to use them, the payment companies believe it will help substantiate their place as secure providers. Legitimate, secure providers… that you can still pay for drugs with.
☑️Slash and Burn.
In *shocking* news, WeWork is cutting another 250 jobs. The move comes as part of an effort to lower costs, which surely has nothing to do with tenants not wanting to share surfaces. Despite what literally everybody thinks, WeWork stands by its belief that this isn’t related at all to coronavirus.
Employees being sent to the big coworking space in the sky will receive the same severance package offered to the more than 2k employees sent packing in November. And if they get desperate, they could always come back and run the front desk for $100 a day.
☑️ Board man gets paid
…if he shows up to work. Shaq is in hot water with Papa John’s board of directors, as he apparently has no-showed more than 75% of his meetings over the last year. Shaq’s been a Director at the pizza maker for just a year, and many board members are calling for him not to be reelected.
Shaq is currently under an endorsement agreement with Papa John’s, where he’s bringing home $8.25 million over three years, and he’s in the process of investing in nine restaurants in the Greater Atlanta Area. Coincidence or not, Papa John’s started to turn things around when the Tiger King cameoing star joined the company last year.
According to The Big Papa, he missed his meetings due to business and broadcast commitments made prior to his initial appointment to the board. Well, he won’t have to worry about much basketball broadcasting anytime soon.
☑️ Looking for work.
Some of ZipRecruiter’s employees are finding themselves in need of its services. The online job board aggregator and recruiting service announced it will be cutting one-third of its staff as it deals with coronavirus blowback. You’d think with 3.2M people filing for unemployment last week, some of them would be looking for jobs.
Before the layoffs, ZipRecruiter had 1.2k full-time employees, meaning more than 400 will be affected by the “indefinite furloughs.” Yeah, those are definitely just layoffs. ZipRecruiter says it’s got plenty of cash, but it’s letting people go to conserve it until this whole thing blows over.
☑️ Cut off.
Donald Trump has taken a few minutes away from coronavirus hysteria to remind Huawei that he still fuchs. Late last week, top cabinet officials advanced a proposal to require an export license for semiconductor chips made with tools provided by US companies, and shipped to Huawei.
Under the proposed rule, Huawei’s main supplier, Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing, which makes semiconductor chips using US machines, could be blocked by the US from sending its products to Huawei.
The only problem? The rule could hurt the US-based companies that build the machines TSMC is using. Considering Huawei is one of the world’s largest technology companies, you can bet TSMC would find another manufacturer to stay in business.